Wedding Party: Erica the Bridesmaid

Part four in my (now almost complete) series on the bridal party...

My younger sisters are twins, so there is no picking one without the other. Not that it would have mattered. Erica has been an extraordinary blessing in so may ways. I don't know what I would have done without her.

I think Erica may be the most excited member of the wedding party. She's the one who calls every week or so to remind me, "Four more months!" or "Three more weeks!" She helped keep my enthusiasm up, even on the days in Oxford when America, Adam, and marriage seemed so far away. Erica is probably the closest to marriage of my bridal party, so she really understands my joy. And Erica has that rare virtue of always accepting a loved-one's joy as her joy, too.

Erica has also found the way to strike the right balance between refusing to offer her opinions and backing off to let me make a decision. When we went dress shopping, most people who went with me said, "You should get whatever you like," or "Get that one! The other one looks awful on you!" Erica was the one who watched me for my reactions. She waited until she saw me put on the dress that made me happy. "That's the one," she said. And she was right. It was so nice having someone identify what I wanted from the embarrassment of choices at the bridal store. That's just the way she is, the way I aspire to be--helpful without ever being overbearing.

Erica has gone out of her way to be the helpful bridesmaid, but not in an annoying way. When she calls with a question she never says, "Why don't you do this?" or "You should ask Mom to do that." She calls and says, "I think we should do this. How can I help?" Her attitude has meant a lot to me, planning a wedding from afar. I haven't always taken up her offers, but I love knowing she's there to help no matter what.

Last night, for example, Erica called to tell me that the girl who had agreed to do my make-up backed out. I was disappointed--Erica knew I would be. But Erica never just calls with bad news. "Why don't you let me do your make-up?" she asked. Knowing I would be skeptical, she supported her offer with offers to learn from friends and on YouTube before a practice run the week before the wedding. She even volunteered to find a friend to do my make-up for me if I was too nervous about her doing it. Erica is the only person I know who offers help that way. She offered to put a lot of work into rendering me an important service, but gave me an easy out if I didn't want to take it. That's just Erica--my unassuming, always-generous, little sister/bridesmaid Erica. I am, as I always have been, grateful just to know her.

Wedding Party: Lindsay the Maid of Honor

Part three in my on-going series about the wedding party. My maid of honor stands out from the bride's side of the wedding party--by almost a full six inches. But she's extraordinary for more than her height. She's different from anyone I've ever met.

I've posted before about what I went through in early life trying to make friends with women. It happened to me a few, lucky times, but friendships with women never felt right. I felt like I was treading on egg shells, waiting to say something stupid so the relationship could implode.

Then I met Lindsay. In the three years I've known Lindsay, she's never once made me feel stupid, unwanted, or unloved. I don't feel like our friendship is perpetually at risk. As a matter of fact, Lindsay may be the first woman outside of my family whose unconditional friendship I've been able to accept. I know it doesn't sound like much, but for me, it's a miracle. It's just the way Lindsay is--she loves in a way it's impossible not to accept and cherish.

I picked Lindsay out of my four bridesmaids as the maid of honor not only for the awesomeness of her friendship, but also because she's the most qualified for maid-of-honorly duties. She's the only one, for example, to keep my train in order and to bustle my dress correctly when the wedding is over. Adam calls her my "craft mamma" (because that is one area in which my mother is definitely deficient), so Lindsay has helped me with whatever little DIY crafts have popped up as part of the wedding-planning process. Plus, Lindsay is always a rational eye of calm in any storm.

All in all, Lindsay is a fun, capable, and loving woman I'm honored to have as my maid of honor. If Adam's on my right, there's no one I'd rather have on my left-hand side the day of my wedding.

(Yes--in the picture we are bathing in corn.)

Wedding Party: Amy the Bridesmaid

Part two in my series on why I picked my wedding party...

...well, I guess I didn't pick Amy. Amy is my sister. But, even if she wasn't, I would still love to have Amy as a friend and bridesmaid.

Amy brings the fun to our wedding party. That's just who she is. As a life-long worrier and stick-in-the-mud, I've been very lucky to have her around. She's always got a smile on her face and a joke on her lips. She's been the one reminding me that wedding dress shopping is supposed to be fun. And she's the one who constantly reminds me how beautiful I look.

But Amy is more than a party-maker. She also has an unusually keen sense of perspective. Where my mother and I tend to lose focus, she reminds us what is and isn't important. When the bridesmaids' dresses are the wrong length, she reminds us, "Everyone will still look beautiful." But when I fall in love with a slightly over-budget veil, she chides, "You've stayed in budget everywhere else. Go for it."

Best of all, Amy's an honest critic. In a wedding-party whose most frequent response is "We like whatever you like," she really stands out as frank and open. As much as I appreciate the open-mindedness of the rest of my wedding party, I'm extremely grateful for Amy's candid judgments about the dress, the veil, the band... When she doesn't like something, she lets me know. As a result, I also know her compliments and praises are sincere. When she oohs and aahs and begs to borrow my dress when she marries, I know she really loves it.

Amy spent the last two days on a long trek from Atlanta to DC via the Machina Mysteriorum. I can't really thank her enough for her concrete, practical help in starting my new life with Adam or for her more abstract ability to help my mother and I stay sane. If you're choosing bridesmaids, you'd be well-served to choose a fun and earnest friend to balance your party.

Wedding Party: the Mother of the Bride

Because today is Mothers' Day--at least on the other side of the pond--it seems like the perfect day to inaugurate my long-intended series on members of our bridal party.

The mother of the bride is different than the rest of the bridal party. The parents of the bride are the only people involved in the ceremony about which the bride has absolutely no say. I picked my readers, my bridesmaids, and even my groom... but, even if I did have a choice, there is no one I would rather have gone through this wedding planning journey with than my mother.

Mom has been absolutely amazing! She's spent a lot of time playing intermediary across three states and the Atlantic Ocean, but she's done it without ever complaining. She asks me what I want and then makes it happen--like a fairy godmother, except better. We could never have done this without her.

More than that, though, she's been an amazing emotional support. She's been extraordinarily aware how being overseas occasionally makes me feel like I'm missing out on part of the "wedding-planning experience," so she's gone out of her way to make me feel extra special when I'm at home--particularly in the forms of manicures, "trousseau shopping," and pleasant lunches. She's also the one I call for tough answers about marriage. After almost thirty-five years of loving marriage, she's always ready with honest and helpful advice about starting our marriage off right.

There's no way a simple blog entry could be an adequate tribute for someone who has done so much to make our wedding a success. But in the little way I can, I just wanted to thank her. Happy Mothers' Day, Mom.