Tip #2: Make It a "Family" Affair

Soon after we started compiling an invitation list, one thing became painfully obvious: my mother and I had dramatically different ideas of what my wedding would be like. Adam and I wanted a smaller wedding with close friends and family; Mom wanted to invite most of the people she knew. We didn't have any knock-down, drag-out fights over it, but we did have to sit down and think carefully about whom we invited.

In the end, we came to a compromise. I have a giant family, and Mom helped me to see how important it was to include as much of it as we could. Mom invited friends who would choose to go to a wedding to see someone else's kid get married. Adam and I stopped being embarrassed and invited friends from far away to come to our wedding.

Adam and I are both very grateful for the amount of love and support we had at our wedding. It was bigger than we'd imagined, but there wasn't a single person there Adam and I would not have missed. It was wonderful to see so much of my family. I've moved five hundred miles away, so it was a real treat to see them. Mom's friends, as always, were the life of the party. They lead the dances, brought the champagne flutes, and even offered a toast.

Best of all, Mom's cavalier attitude toward the guest list ("what's one more?") helped Adam and I to be far less self-conscious about inviting friends from out of town. We were shocked and delighted by how many people traveled long distances to come to our wedding. We had guests from two countries and seven states (well, six and a district). There were seven girls in the upstairs bedroom the night before the wedding, not to mention my two younger sisters and me. The day of, there was nothing like being a bride in a house full of buzzing and admiring women. I felt so loved and showered with affection.

On the way north for our honeymoon, Adam mentioned to me that his very favorite thing about our wedding was the way it brought people together. Sixty-year-old men danced an Irish jig with the bride. Girls from two continents hugged like best friends. And so I learned a few valuable lessons about wedding guests lists.

First of all, there are probably more people who'd actually like to come to your wedding than you would expect. You're probably more loved and supported than you'd ever expect. Don't deny people the chance to share your joy with you unless you have to.

Second of all, a wedding doesn't have to be small to be intimate. We didn't get to spend as much time with everyone as we could have at a smaller wedding, but our reception still felt cozy and friendly, just like I'd always wanted. By compromising, Mom, Adam, and I managed to create a guest list that emphasized what we wanted our wedding to be about anyway--community.

Tip #1: Decide What Really Matters

Before you start wedding planning, you and your fiancé/fiancée should sit down and talk about what really matters to you for your marriage. It won’t only be great preparation for your wedding, it will also be a great preparation for your life together.
Adam and I knew that we wanted to have a short engagement so, after he proposed, we had to set to work wedding-planning almost immediately. We didn’t take much time to think about our wedding “style.” Luckily, we had some idea what we wanted our wedding to say about us.

We wanted our wedding to say how committed we are to the idea of community. We have been very blessed to have been a part of many thriving, happy communities in our lifetimes. In our marriage, we have decided to continue traditions of community involvement and hospitality started by our parents. Most importantly, we wanted our wedding to be fun and inclusive. This kind of commitment might sound abstract, but you’ll see how it played into almost all of our wedding-based decisions.

Second of all, we wanted our wedding to tell our parents how much we appreciated them. We decided to stay as close as possible to the budgets our parents set for the wedding and rehearsal dinner to show our gratitude.

There are other things that matter to us, too, like beautiful things or eco-friendly food. But we knew as we were making decisions that all of our other preferences fell second under our commitments to community and staying in budget.

I have to admit, our commitment to community made us run a little over budget. We were really honored to be able to host a large number of our friends for the week. I'd like to write a post later explaining why exactly that was such a special experience.

Erec + Enide

A friend of ours once told us that everyone has their own love story. …and Enide has been our chance to share a part of our love story with you.

As you may know, I started this site to combat the prevailing attitude toward marriage and weddings I found on the Internet. There are hundreds of wedding checklists available on-line, many with helpful advice. But most wedding websites carry messages that make brides, grooms, and families think “More!” or “Now!” It’s very easy for couples to find themselves pressured into a much bigger, more complicated wedding than they wanted because there seems to be no other way.

With the help of our family and friends, we were lucky enough to escape the wedding-planning trap. Over the course of the next several posts, we’d like to share with you a bit of what we learned in the process.

We hope this series will take you through the process of planning a fun, less-stress wedding that fits your personalities and your relationship. After all, a wedding is just the beginning of a marriage—you wedding ought to set the tone for the relationship you and your spouse will enjoy for the rest of your lives.

No one gets “the perfect wedding” bridal magazines talk about. But lucky couples get something better—a wedding that is just right for them.

...and Enide

To my readers, I apologize for failing to post over the past few weeks. As I'm sure you can imagine, I've been extremely busy being pampered and hosted--for which I'm extremely grateful. I probably won't post again for a week or to after our big day tomorrow. But, before I go from Miss Enide to Mr. Erec, I wanted to share with you a short reflection on what this blog has meant to me.

I started the blog as a gift to Adam for Saint Valentine's Day. He knows I want to write for publication, so he has heavily encouraged me to practice more often than I do. Over the past few months, though, what started out as a gift for Adam has become more of a gift to me.

First, the warm encouragement of Adam and other friends has given me a courage to write that I've never really felt before. Adam's gentle criticism has helped me to be more open to the suggestions of others. And the loyalty of many of my readers has given me faith that people will read when I have something meaningful or worthwhile to say.

Second, I never expected ...and Enide to blossom on- and off-line the way it has. I'm astounded at having readers on several continents who regularly follow my project. But I am far more astounded at the number of friends and family who have e-mailed me or sought me out in person to start a serious discussion about issues I've raised on ...and Enide. The blog isn't just my thoughts anymore. I'm not the only one who thinks seriously about relationships and marriage, so I've been honored to have my own ideas tempered and honed by people who care as passionately about Godly relationships as I do. And other people's imput has done a lot to give me a better sense of perspective about the seriousness of marriage, something I often worry about more than I ought to.

Most importantly, though, I've been so blessed by the community that's sprung up around ...and Enide. I feel truly loved to have people discuss the ideas on my blog with me and in front of me. Readers have gone out of their way to show me how supported Adam and I really are.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, "Thank you." Thank you for coming along on part of the journey with us. That you for taking time out of your busy day to follow along in this small but important piece of our lives. We are very grateful for our community and for your friendship.

...and Enide will continue when I get back from my honeymoon--at least for a little while. We hope to see many of you at the wedding, at the later Mass in DC, or as soon as you can visit us. Our home is always open to you.

Alyce the Bridesmaid

Alyce and I went to middle and high school together. I don't think I'm exaggerating much when I say I say I would never have made it through either without her. She was kind to me and accepted me for my moodiness when few other people did.

Alyce brings a sense of elegance and poise to the bridal party. She encourages me to feel pampered and beautiful--something that isn't always easy for me.

She is also the most honest bridesmaid. She always been someone I could count on to let me know if I wasn't looking my best. She tells me what she thinks, flat out. Her frankess has been a very useful asset when picking out make-up or going-away dresses.

Overall, Alyce is my first real female friend. That's a beautiful gift for which I can never repay her. She brought all that friendship and warmth to the bridal party and I am I very grateful to her.