...and Enide

To my readers, I apologize for failing to post over the past few weeks. As I'm sure you can imagine, I've been extremely busy being pampered and hosted--for which I'm extremely grateful. I probably won't post again for a week or to after our big day tomorrow. But, before I go from Miss Enide to Mr. Erec, I wanted to share with you a short reflection on what this blog has meant to me.

I started the blog as a gift to Adam for Saint Valentine's Day. He knows I want to write for publication, so he has heavily encouraged me to practice more often than I do. Over the past few months, though, what started out as a gift for Adam has become more of a gift to me.

First, the warm encouragement of Adam and other friends has given me a courage to write that I've never really felt before. Adam's gentle criticism has helped me to be more open to the suggestions of others. And the loyalty of many of my readers has given me faith that people will read when I have something meaningful or worthwhile to say.

Second, I never expected ...and Enide to blossom on- and off-line the way it has. I'm astounded at having readers on several continents who regularly follow my project. But I am far more astounded at the number of friends and family who have e-mailed me or sought me out in person to start a serious discussion about issues I've raised on ...and Enide. The blog isn't just my thoughts anymore. I'm not the only one who thinks seriously about relationships and marriage, so I've been honored to have my own ideas tempered and honed by people who care as passionately about Godly relationships as I do. And other people's imput has done a lot to give me a better sense of perspective about the seriousness of marriage, something I often worry about more than I ought to.

Most importantly, though, I've been so blessed by the community that's sprung up around ...and Enide. I feel truly loved to have people discuss the ideas on my blog with me and in front of me. Readers have gone out of their way to show me how supported Adam and I really are.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, "Thank you." Thank you for coming along on part of the journey with us. That you for taking time out of your busy day to follow along in this small but important piece of our lives. We are very grateful for our community and for your friendship.

...and Enide will continue when I get back from my honeymoon--at least for a little while. We hope to see many of you at the wedding, at the later Mass in DC, or as soon as you can visit us. Our home is always open to you.

Alyce the Bridesmaid

Alyce and I went to middle and high school together. I don't think I'm exaggerating much when I say I say I would never have made it through either without her. She was kind to me and accepted me for my moodiness when few other people did.

Alyce brings a sense of elegance and poise to the bridal party. She encourages me to feel pampered and beautiful--something that isn't always easy for me.

She is also the most honest bridesmaid. She always been someone I could count on to let me know if I wasn't looking my best. She tells me what she thinks, flat out. Her frankess has been a very useful asset when picking out make-up or going-away dresses.

Overall, Alyce is my first real female friend. That's a beautiful gift for which I can never repay her. She brought all that friendship and warmth to the bridal party and I am I very grateful to her.

Down to the Wire: Choosing My Name

In case you don't know, my fiance has an absolutely fantastic name: Adam Cyril Methodius Solove. Cyril and Methodius are his confirmation saints, the men who brought Christianity to Eastern Europe a millennium ago. Tall, blond, broad-set, hooded eyes, a chiseled nose--Adam is the picture of the Eastern European background that gives him his surname. A. C. M. Solove fits him like a glove.

I'm fairly happy with my born name, too. Alison Michelle Fincher has just the right combination of sweeping feminine and harsher masculine sounds. I am the picture of Anglo-Irishness, so the surname Fincher fits.

I want to make the sybmolic gesture of joining Adam's family by taking his surname. The reality that tiny, Anglo-Irish me must take on a distinctively Eastern European surname cannot be escaped. But what of my middle names?:

Michelle--the middle name given to me by my parents. I have a certain fondness for it.

Lucy--my confirmation saint. Another lovely, feminine name.

Fincher--my maiden name. There are no male Finchers in my generation, so I feel something of an obligation to salvage it in my name.

Alison Michelle Lucy Fincher Solove? I don't think so. But what combination? What do you think?

Down to the Wire: Learning to Dance

Adam and are great amateur dancers--at least in the literal sense of "amateur." We dance because we love it, not because we are any good at it. I've taken a few courses in ballroom and Latin dances, plus a year of ballet. Adam has dabbled in the waltz and swing. Put our combined inexperience together, add a sixteen-inch height difference, and you don't get a particularly winning combination.

But for us, it is a win. It has been really, really fun learning the Viennese waltz for our first dance together. We certainly don't have the time, talent, or skill for an elaborately choreographed wedding surprise, but we can dance competently and enjoy ourselves. Adam has put up with my one-sided criticisms and accidental toe-smashings with a smile on his face; I've learned how to keep my balance and sense of humor when my lead tumbles over in a dizzy heap. We've learned--albeit not mastered--a new skill... and we've done it together.

I guess the experience of learning to dance embodies most of the things I love best about our relationship. Part of learning to dance has been learning to cope with each others peculiarities--particularly the height difference, but also Adam's nervousness and my fools-rush-in attitude about trying new things. When we dance the Viennese waltz at the wedding to country waltz music, we will be acting on our tendency to be slightly out of sync with what's normal--but only slightly. Our friends have taught and encouraged us, so we've been able to incorporate a community of people who love us into an activity we were trying together. Best of all, though, dancing is just one of the "amateur" things we get to do together. We paint. We sing. We dance. We cook. We don't do anything expertly, but we're willing to try just about any new skill. Even when we fail, we have a great time.

Trying new things isn't part of what marriage is "about." But it is a part of what we're about. That's part of what I'm so grateful for Adam.

Showered

Yesterday marked the final of my three showers. I feel so very loved for all the affection, generosity, and attention that have been showered on Adam and me.

This shower was a little bit different. It was co-ed, for one thing. It worked better than I expected to have guys there. I think Adam felt very included.

It also wasn't a shower for traditional gifts. It was a pantry shower. We got a gift bag of various vinegars, a colander full of midnight snacks, a pistachio pesto making kit... even a Rubbermaid tub full of cleaning supplies.

Lindsay did an absolutely fantastic job planning an event that was warm and welcoming for people of many different ages and relationships to us. Again, I find myself extremely grateful for her and for her friendship.

Adam and I are very, very lucky. We understand that many people face real obstacles to getting married like financial difficulties or unsupportive parents. But every single person who has been a part of our marriage preparation--our parents, family, friends, and priests--have shown us what a loving community we have the honor to be a part of. Thank you, as a reader, for being a part of that community.


(Click here to view more photos from the shower.)