Most literally, an engagement is "an arrangement to meet or be present at a specified time and place." But right now, in England, that time--August--far away and that place--the US--isn't even visible on the horizon. Most of the time, I'm grateful to have many months to prepare myself spiritually, emotionally, and physically to marry Adam. Still, there are days when it feels like the day will never come.
I have to confess that this week, with papers worth half of my degree looming, my marriage to Adam seems impossibly distant. It's difficult to see past the deadline, now only three weeks away, to the happy day I marry Adam. Perhaps this is just another moment when I must remember life doesn't stop just because I'm engaged...
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Unlearned Kindergarten Lesson #1: Sharing
Living by myself as a graduate student in a foreign country, I'm not called upon to share things very often. Sure, I share my food and my time fairly generously--I suppose my relatively free-handed hospitality usually seems sufficient. But, with my sisters here, I'm reminded that I really, really don't like to share my stuff.
In all fairness, I don't have much stuff here to share. Books, which I would share if they asked. Clothes, which I would share if I had enough sets to make up more than one wardrobe for more than a few days. But my "good-natured-ness" starts to wear off when my sisters want to borrow my nail clippers or hairbrush. And I have no patience for letting anyone else loose on my computer.
It's an interesting way to discover what's really important to me. Even though I've had arguments with my sisters, friends, or even Adam before about the computer, I'm only just not figuring out why. I don't like sharing my nail clippers or hairbrush because they are such personal things. But my laptop is such an intimate thing, an object through which I express myself is so many academic and personal contexts--it really feels like a part of myself.
No wonder, with that unhealthy attitude, that I can't stand anyone else using it. No wonder I feel so vulnerable. What if they break it? What if they somehow change it, make it less useful? It's like I've opened myself up to anyone who uses my machine. For someone who bares parts of her soul to an anonymous (mostly non-existent?) on-line audience, that sentiment is truly ridiculous.
So, I guess it's time to add another goal to the "Things I Wish to Accomplish before I Marry Adam" list: learn to share. It's not going to be a very happy marriage if I don't trust Adam enough to let him use my computer.
In all fairness, I don't have much stuff here to share. Books, which I would share if they asked. Clothes, which I would share if I had enough sets to make up more than one wardrobe for more than a few days. But my "good-natured-ness" starts to wear off when my sisters want to borrow my nail clippers or hairbrush. And I have no patience for letting anyone else loose on my computer.
It's an interesting way to discover what's really important to me. Even though I've had arguments with my sisters, friends, or even Adam before about the computer, I'm only just not figuring out why. I don't like sharing my nail clippers or hairbrush because they are such personal things. But my laptop is such an intimate thing, an object through which I express myself is so many academic and personal contexts--it really feels like a part of myself.
No wonder, with that unhealthy attitude, that I can't stand anyone else using it. No wonder I feel so vulnerable. What if they break it? What if they somehow change it, make it less useful? It's like I've opened myself up to anyone who uses my machine. For someone who bares parts of her soul to an anonymous (mostly non-existent?) on-line audience, that sentiment is truly ridiculous.
So, I guess it's time to add another goal to the "Things I Wish to Accomplish before I Marry Adam" list: learn to share. It's not going to be a very happy marriage if I don't trust Adam enough to let him use my computer.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Our Readings: The Gospel
Our final reading is from the Gospel of Saint Matthew. Matthew 22: 35-40, the story of the Greatest Commandment, is the most beautiful conclusion imaginable to a service we've tried to focus around the vocation for married life.
It has only recently occurred to me that this passage, too, commands us to be part of a Christian community. As Christians, we so often answer the question "who is my neighbor?" by assuming it's a metaphor--everyone is my neighbor. Christ does love all men, and command us to do likewise, but is it really possible for feeble, post-fall man?
I offer an unconventional analogy. Most people hated The Matrix II, but it did profer a potent understanding of human nature. One of the Matrix's programmers explains to Neo that he is only one of very many "The Ones" in the history of the human race. They're blips, extensions of man's need to be free from the program. These other "The Ones" have all had one thing in common, a love for all of humanity. Because they love humanity, they choose to destroy almost all men in order to save a few for the preservation of the race. But Neo is different. Neo doesn't love all men. He loves only Trinity, his lover. So, rather than choose to sacrfice her for the good of humanity, he fights to save her.
It isn't a perfect analogy, but it is at least an interesting reflection. All the others have loved humanity, but have chosen to sacrifice most human beings for the preservation of the human race. Neo loves only one, but through that perfect love, eventually saves all humanity.
Man can't choose to love everyone. It isn't in our fallen nature. It is often in trying to create a Utopia for all humanity that we do some of the most horrible things imaginable to individual men. But we can choose to love one--our spouses, or a few--our families, or even many--our community. It's by loving our neighbors that we learn how to love others. And that is the powerful reminder Adam and I want for our marriage.
You can read the other posts in this series by clicking on readings below.
It has only recently occurred to me that this passage, too, commands us to be part of a Christian community. As Christians, we so often answer the question "who is my neighbor?" by assuming it's a metaphor--everyone is my neighbor. Christ does love all men, and command us to do likewise, but is it really possible for feeble, post-fall man?
I offer an unconventional analogy. Most people hated The Matrix II, but it did profer a potent understanding of human nature. One of the Matrix's programmers explains to Neo that he is only one of very many "The Ones" in the history of the human race. They're blips, extensions of man's need to be free from the program. These other "The Ones" have all had one thing in common, a love for all of humanity. Because they love humanity, they choose to destroy almost all men in order to save a few for the preservation of the race. But Neo is different. Neo doesn't love all men. He loves only Trinity, his lover. So, rather than choose to sacrfice her for the good of humanity, he fights to save her.
It isn't a perfect analogy, but it is at least an interesting reflection. All the others have loved humanity, but have chosen to sacrifice most human beings for the preservation of the human race. Neo loves only one, but through that perfect love, eventually saves all humanity.
Man can't choose to love everyone. It isn't in our fallen nature. It is often in trying to create a Utopia for all humanity that we do some of the most horrible things imaginable to individual men. But we can choose to love one--our spouses, or a few--our families, or even many--our community. It's by loving our neighbors that we learn how to love others. And that is the powerful reminder Adam and I want for our marriage.
You can read the other posts in this series by clicking on readings below.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Vocation
One of the greatest blessings of my conversion to Catholicism has been learning about the idea of vocation. In modern usage, a vocation is usually another word for job. But the word comes from the Latin "vocare," to call--a vocation is literally a calling from God.
I assume that I will eventually want to post about my vocation to marriage, but that isn't what's on my mind tonight. Tonight I want to think about vocations in the here and now. Long term, (I think) God is calling me to marriage, family, teaching, and maybe writing. Where does that leave me, an engaged graduate student pursuing my own studies thousands of miles away from my family?
Graduate study in insular enough that it encourages a kind of self-focus. It's really no ones fault, just the nature of spending hours a day focused deeply on an obscure topic. Life becomes about your thoughts, your research--it really has to, or no one could contribute anything to greater human understanding.
But that doesn't mean life as a graduate isn't often sickeningly lonely. And not in the way people normally think.
Universities normally pack graduate calendars with events and load up on counselors to combat graduate depression. We're supposed to be lonely because we spend all day in the library, isolated from our peers. Perhaps that's part of the problem, but I don't think it's the origin of the malaise. I think the real problem is that, for so many of us, we're in a bit of a holding pattern--we have a vocation, but we aren't doing it.
Of course, that realization doesn't make finishing my degree any less important. It's part of the preparation for my vocation, preparing me to be a better teacher and writer. The answer can't be to drop out and come home. Instead, I need to adjust my way of thinking--my studies are to prepare me to answer my calling. It's all a part of God's plan for my life, which I should enjoy here and now, as it comes. "Bride Alison" needs to learn to love "Student Alison" for what "Student Alison" is equipping her to be.
I assume that I will eventually want to post about my vocation to marriage, but that isn't what's on my mind tonight. Tonight I want to think about vocations in the here and now. Long term, (I think) God is calling me to marriage, family, teaching, and maybe writing. Where does that leave me, an engaged graduate student pursuing my own studies thousands of miles away from my family?
Graduate study in insular enough that it encourages a kind of self-focus. It's really no ones fault, just the nature of spending hours a day focused deeply on an obscure topic. Life becomes about your thoughts, your research--it really has to, or no one could contribute anything to greater human understanding.
But that doesn't mean life as a graduate isn't often sickeningly lonely. And not in the way people normally think.
Universities normally pack graduate calendars with events and load up on counselors to combat graduate depression. We're supposed to be lonely because we spend all day in the library, isolated from our peers. Perhaps that's part of the problem, but I don't think it's the origin of the malaise. I think the real problem is that, for so many of us, we're in a bit of a holding pattern--we have a vocation, but we aren't doing it.
Of course, that realization doesn't make finishing my degree any less important. It's part of the preparation for my vocation, preparing me to be a better teacher and writer. The answer can't be to drop out and come home. Instead, I need to adjust my way of thinking--my studies are to prepare me to answer my calling. It's all a part of God's plan for my life, which I should enjoy here and now, as it comes. "Bride Alison" needs to learn to love "Student Alison" for what "Student Alison" is equipping her to be.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Bridesmaids' Gifts
I don't have much to say today, but I did want to post a mini-update. In all honesty, there are moments in which I am a bit upset with myself for rushing so efficiently through wedding planning. I really only had two weeks to plan most of my wedding before jetting back to school: dress, shoes, photographer, band, caterer, cake, wedding venue, flowers... all in less than a fortnight. Most of the time, I'm glad to have it over with. But "Bride Alison" sometimes rears her ugly head an insists I ought to have enjoyed it more.
Enter the bridesmaids' gifts. I've had so much fun planning how to buy/make thoughtful, inexpensive, and personal gifts. I wish I could post my ideas: I at least think they're very exciting. It's nice to dwell on a nice gift that says, "thanks for helping with the wedding," but also, "thanks for all the years of friendship and support." I just hope my bridesmaids enjoy them!
I also enjoyed spending a lot of time planning the readings with Adam. You can read more about them in the archives.
Enter the bridesmaids' gifts. I've had so much fun planning how to buy/make thoughtful, inexpensive, and personal gifts. I wish I could post my ideas: I at least think they're very exciting. It's nice to dwell on a nice gift that says, "thanks for helping with the wedding," but also, "thanks for all the years of friendship and support." I just hope my bridesmaids enjoy them!
I also enjoyed spending a lot of time planning the readings with Adam. You can read more about them in the archives.
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