Mamma Mia!

Adam and I watched Mamma Mia together three days ago. (I should have posted about it then, but I haven't been feeling very well. Apologies.) Just as I was when I saw the touring show and when I saw the movie the first time, I was again conflicted about the musical's dubious message about marriage.

In the musical, a young bride-to-be invites the three men who might be her father--none of whom she has ever met--to her wedding. Hilarity ensues. At the musical's climax, the protagonist finds herself satisfied with her family background. Her wish to find her family is fulfilled. So she cancels the wedding. She and her fiance won't marry now--they'll see the world together first.

Adam insists that they may well have made the right decision. She was using marriage to fill a whole in her life that she needed to fill some other way. Besides, they're young and may not be ready to spend their lives together yet. After all, he reminds me, we did important things with our lives and put off marriage for three years. People shouldn't rush into marriage.

In a way, I guess he's right. Marriage isn't a decision to take lightly or to rush into. But still, I think the musical portrays a destructive image of marriage. The hero and heroine don't want to go out and follow their dreams separately for a few years, as Adam and I did. They want to explore the world together--but they seem to think of marriage as some sort of impediment. Marriage, to them, seems to be a kind of kill joy, a choice to settle down and stay home after the adventures of youth are over.

That's not how I was raised to think of marriage. My parents have always insisted that marriage is its own adventure but, more than that, their married life has been actively exciting. They've traveled. They've run for public office. They've met the who's who of the Deep South. But the difference between my parents and the couple in Mamma Mia is this: my parents have sought and met adventure as a team. The hero and heroine of the musical go out into the world as separate individuals seeking the same adventures; my parents have done and do it as a single entity with a shared story to tell.

That's what I want for my marriage, too. I'm not ready to give up my adventure--though some might accuse me of being less adventurous than most. I'm ready to join my adventure to Adam so we can pursue our lives, our dreams, our vocations together.

Clean Living

I've already posted about some reservations Adam and I share about wedding registries. But, since we opted to have one, we might as well do it right... As you may already know, Etsy makes me very happy. Local, small scale, often eco-friendly artisans with an on-line community rock. Because of Etsy's structure--many items are one-of-a-kind--it isn't really possible to register with Etsy. But I was inspired by a Wedding Bee who decided to create an Etsy registry anyway.

So here's my compilation of things that would enrich our lives a little bit after we're married. It seems a little disingenuous to need some stuff in order to need less stuff, but I've tried to pick things that will stay useful for a long, long time. (If nothing else, we can keep them on a wish-list for later!):

For the kitchen:
Must-have chopsticks!
Gorgeous salad tongs
Gorgeous cooking and serving utensils!
Gorgeous butcher board!
Recycled wine bottle tumblers--let's get eight!

For the home:
Window herb garden
Indoor flower pots and watering can
A broom broom!

For life on the go:
Reusable sandwich bags--I love the giraffe
Reusable lunch kit=awesome!

For reducing and reusing:
A plastic bag dryer--brilliant idea!
Eco-friendly laundry detergent--will it work?
Reusable dryer sheets
Reusable Swiffer pad--all the ease, none of the guilt!
Plastic bag sock
Reusable produce bags--didn't know these existed!

Just for fun:
A secret compartment book--always wanted one!

Are there any gorgeous, hand-made items you crave for your house or apartment?

The Ideal of Marriage?

I spend so much time on my blog talking about the ideal of marriage, the meaning of marriage, and the significance of marriage that I sometimes forget about what marriage--and relationships headed in that direction--actually look like. We're a fallen people in a fallen world. The ideal of marriage is an aspiration, not an achievable reality. It's easy to aspire to an ideal when your boyfriend is an ocean away, but somewhat harder when your fiance is in the room with you.

Take today for example. Adam and I set buying wedding rings as our daily goal. What started as an innocent internet search for DC-area jewelers turned into a senseless argument about how we ought to make decisions. When we took a few minutes to cool off before we sat down to talk about what happened, I couldn't help but think Is this really us? Is this the best we can do? I thought marriage was our vocation--why is this happening?

In the end, we learned a valuable lesson about listening and about communicating our expectations to each other. But, more than that, I learned something about ideals. I can't get upset when we fall short of them. It's going to happen. A fight doesn't mean we're not called to married life. It just means we're not perfect. And making up, reaching a compromise, loving each other anyway--these are special blessings in marriage for a fallen people.

Beatrico

After a brief hiatus in Georgia to pick up the new car (aka "the Millenium Falcon"), ...and Enide is back...

Over the past few days, Adam and I have found ourselves re-exploring Dante's Divina Comedia. Both of us read The Inferno in high school, but neither of us has ever explored the rest of the three-part poem in depth. I'm only now realizing how deprived I've been.

In The Inferno, Dante finds himself alone in a dark wood. Virgil (of Aneid fame) finds the frightened Dante and proposes that they both undertake a most surprising journey--through hell, past purgatory, into heaven. Virgil guides him through the nine circles of hell, protecting him from demons and monsters, until they escape hell and begin to climb the mountain of purgatory. Again, Virgil prove himself a loving and powerful guide through purgatory. At the gates of heaven, the pagan Virgil leaves Dante in the care of Dante's beloved Beatrice.

The first time I read the poem, I focused on Virgil. Virgil is Dante's guide in his imaginative realms of hell and purgatory, as well as a literary guide for the writing of the poem itself. I've only gradually realized that to pay attention only to Virgil--even in The Inferno and Purgatorio--is to completely miss the point. Beatrice is Dante's guide in the poem, and in his life, whether she is present or not.

In my own defense, I think I lacked the context to understand Beatrice's role when I read the poem as a Protestant. She's Dante's intercessor, the one who brings his cause before heaven. It's a role saints like Beatrice can only play when we accept the communion of all believers, living and dead. Even in the darkest pits of hell, Beatrice sends Dante help and hope.

But Beatrice is far more than intercessor. She's an active guide in Paradiso, but also in The Inferno and Purgatorio, as well as in the whole of Dante's life. Her name itself--meaning "bringer of gladness"--takes on an allegorical meaning. She is the person in which Dante sees God. She's no false idol for Dante, but a presence that makes him feel irradiated with God's love. Dante sees God in Beatrice. Thinking about her, writing about her, striving to reach the heaven in which she resides--all these things draw Dante closer to God. Her role as guide through heaven is the perfect allegorical fulfillment of her role in Dante's life.

That's a role I never understood until I fell in love. Adam is my "Beatrico." In his love, I feel God's love for me shining through. Adam's goodness and compassion give me a model for behavior, but by themselves draw me closer to God. He's not just my fiance and won't just be my husband. He's also a walking allegory, a representation of what God's love looks like and feels like. That's why I feel so strongly called to the vocation of marriage--the love of the man I hope to call my spouse draws me further up in and further in to God's love every day.

Self-Sufficency... Overrated

I grew up with a healthy, Southern-American idealization of the sternly self-sufficient man--the man (or woman) who pulls him(or her)self up by his (or her) proverbial bootstraps. I fell for the Randian image of humanity where man reigns supreme when he is completely his own.

As an adult, I no longer idealize the self-sufficient man. The Catholic Church taught me to revere Christian community--the same community that Southern-American culture practices, even if it doesn't necessarily preach. Aristotle taught me that only God-like men and beasts can live outside of political life. And joyful experience has taught me that life with love and community is richer and more meaningful.

Getting married has been an amazing way to see the communities in which Adam and I live. We're so lucky to have friends and family across two continents who wish us well. And here, back in DC, we're extremely fortunate to have friends who have been really generous with their resources, time, and companionship. Just today, Adam and I picked up a bedroom set from my school's secretary, had a friend come over to help us move it up the three flights of stairs to our apartment (no elevator), and made dinner in the borrowed kitchen of my maid of honor. Our friends and family have really invested themselves into helping Adam and I build a life together.

No man can live on his own. But he was never meant to. Life really is richer and more meaningful in a community of people who take care of each other. We're so grateful that God has blessed us with such a wonderful group of friends and family.