Vocation

One of the greatest blessings of my conversion to Catholicism has been learning about the idea of vocation. In modern usage, a vocation is usually another word for job. But the word comes from the Latin "vocare," to call--a vocation is literally a calling from God.

I assume that I will eventually want to post about my vocation to marriage, but that isn't what's on my mind tonight. Tonight I want to think about vocations in the here and now. Long term, (I think) God is calling me to marriage, family, teaching, and maybe writing. Where does that leave me, an engaged graduate student pursuing my own studies thousands of miles away from my family?

Graduate study in insular enough that it encourages a kind of self-focus. It's really no ones fault, just the nature of spending hours a day focused deeply on an obscure topic. Life becomes about your thoughts, your research--it really has to, or no one could contribute anything to greater human understanding.

But that doesn't mean life as a graduate isn't often sickeningly lonely. And not in the way people normally think.

Universities normally pack graduate calendars with events and load up on counselors to combat graduate depression. We're supposed to be lonely because we spend all day in the library, isolated from our peers. Perhaps that's part of the problem, but I don't think it's the origin of the malaise. I think the real problem is that, for so many of us, we're in a bit of a holding pattern--we have a vocation, but we aren't doing it.

Of course, that realization doesn't make finishing my degree any less important. It's part of the preparation for my vocation, preparing me to be a better teacher and writer. The answer can't be to drop out and come home. Instead, I need to adjust my way of thinking--my studies are to prepare me to answer my calling. It's all a part of God's plan for my life, which I should enjoy here and now, as it comes. "Bride Alison" needs to learn to love "Student Alison" for what "Student Alison" is equipping her to be.