Time and time again over the past few months, I've excitedly invited a friend to join Adam and I in our new, Washington, DC home. Most people face me with blank stares or, at best, a sort of vague threat: "Don't say that if you don't mean it." My friends don't seem to realize how fundamentally important hospitality is to me, and to Adam.
Even though Adam and I are of the same race and the same nationality, we come from rather fundamentally different cultures. I'm from the American South, while he's from the American West with Yankee parents to boot. Still, Adam violates every Southern expectation of Yankee behavior on at least one point: hospitality.
Southern hospitality is one of my very favorite features of my culture. It's generosity and communal spirit in action in a vitally important way. That why it's so very important to me that Adam is not just an excellent host, but one who enjoys it. For both of us, sharing our food with other people is energizing and uplifting, as is opening our home to others.
When Adam and I sat down to think about our priorities in marriage, it made me really happy that we both included having an open, welcoming home on the list. That's part of the reason we chose our New Testament reading, from Hebrews 13: "Do not neglect hospitality, for through it some have unwittingly entertained angels."
And, for the record, our home will always be open to you.
Showing posts with label readings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label readings. Show all posts
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Our Readings: The Gospel
Our final reading is from the Gospel of Saint Matthew. Matthew 22: 35-40, the story of the Greatest Commandment, is the most beautiful conclusion imaginable to a service we've tried to focus around the vocation for married life.
It has only recently occurred to me that this passage, too, commands us to be part of a Christian community. As Christians, we so often answer the question "who is my neighbor?" by assuming it's a metaphor--everyone is my neighbor. Christ does love all men, and command us to do likewise, but is it really possible for feeble, post-fall man?
I offer an unconventional analogy. Most people hated The Matrix II, but it did profer a potent understanding of human nature. One of the Matrix's programmers explains to Neo that he is only one of very many "The Ones" in the history of the human race. They're blips, extensions of man's need to be free from the program. These other "The Ones" have all had one thing in common, a love for all of humanity. Because they love humanity, they choose to destroy almost all men in order to save a few for the preservation of the race. But Neo is different. Neo doesn't love all men. He loves only Trinity, his lover. So, rather than choose to sacrfice her for the good of humanity, he fights to save her.
It isn't a perfect analogy, but it is at least an interesting reflection. All the others have loved humanity, but have chosen to sacrifice most human beings for the preservation of the human race. Neo loves only one, but through that perfect love, eventually saves all humanity.
Man can't choose to love everyone. It isn't in our fallen nature. It is often in trying to create a Utopia for all humanity that we do some of the most horrible things imaginable to individual men. But we can choose to love one--our spouses, or a few--our families, or even many--our community. It's by loving our neighbors that we learn how to love others. And that is the powerful reminder Adam and I want for our marriage.
You can read the other posts in this series by clicking on readings below.
It has only recently occurred to me that this passage, too, commands us to be part of a Christian community. As Christians, we so often answer the question "who is my neighbor?" by assuming it's a metaphor--everyone is my neighbor. Christ does love all men, and command us to do likewise, but is it really possible for feeble, post-fall man?
I offer an unconventional analogy. Most people hated The Matrix II, but it did profer a potent understanding of human nature. One of the Matrix's programmers explains to Neo that he is only one of very many "The Ones" in the history of the human race. They're blips, extensions of man's need to be free from the program. These other "The Ones" have all had one thing in common, a love for all of humanity. Because they love humanity, they choose to destroy almost all men in order to save a few for the preservation of the race. But Neo is different. Neo doesn't love all men. He loves only Trinity, his lover. So, rather than choose to sacrfice her for the good of humanity, he fights to save her.
It isn't a perfect analogy, but it is at least an interesting reflection. All the others have loved humanity, but have chosen to sacrifice most human beings for the preservation of the human race. Neo loves only one, but through that perfect love, eventually saves all humanity.
Man can't choose to love everyone. It isn't in our fallen nature. It is often in trying to create a Utopia for all humanity that we do some of the most horrible things imaginable to individual men. But we can choose to love one--our spouses, or a few--our families, or even many--our community. It's by loving our neighbors that we learn how to love others. And that is the powerful reminder Adam and I want for our marriage.
You can read the other posts in this series by clicking on readings below.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Our Readings: The New Testament
This is part three out of (presumably) four about the readings Adam and I have chosen for our wedding. You can read about our Old Testament and Psalm readings in the archives.
The New Testament has a huge number of readings about wedding. Still, it's amazing how difficult it is to choose one that's neither such a cliché it would be meaningless at a wedding--or that, read out of context, seems sexist to modern ears.
Adam and I finally settled on the last chapter of Hebrews:
As I've spoken about before, Adam and I wanted to choose readings that would challenge us on entering into our married lives. This reading is a perfect description of the home Adam and I want to share with each other, and eventually with a family: hospitable, charitable, holy, generous, and unafraid.
The New Testament has a huge number of readings about wedding. Still, it's amazing how difficult it is to choose one that's neither such a cliché it would be meaningless at a wedding--or that, read out of context, seems sexist to modern ears.
Adam and I finally settled on the last chapter of Hebrews:
Let mutual love continue. Do not neglect hospitality, for through it some have unknowingly entertained angels. Be mindful of prisoners as if sharing their imprisonment, and of the ill-treated as of yourselves, for you also are in the body. Let marriage be honored among all and the marriage bed kept undefiled...Let your life be free from love of money but be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never forsake you or abandon you." Thus we may say with confidence: "The Lord is my helper, [and] I will not be afraid."
As I've spoken about before, Adam and I wanted to choose readings that would challenge us on entering into our married lives. This reading is a perfect description of the home Adam and I want to share with each other, and eventually with a family: hospitable, charitable, holy, generous, and unafraid.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Our Readings: The Psalm
Part two in my continued series on the readings Adam and I have chosen for our wedding--pending, of course, the priest's final approval.
Psalm (Psalm 118: 19-25*)-This is the choice we've given the least thought; for a descendant from the Martin family (my paternal grandmother's family), the choice seemed obvious. Psalm 118:24 is a really important verse of scripture for my family. My great-grandmother, Mamacora, used to ask her family daily, "Do you know what day it is?" "It's Saturday, Mama." "No! This is a day that the Lord has made. You shall rejoice and be glad in it." When she died at ninety-nine, hers was the only happy funeral I've ever attended. "Ms. Cora's finally gotten that promotion she's been waiting for," the preacher said. And he meant it. Adam and I hoped that, by choosing this reading, we'd be aligning ourselves with her holy and truly grateful attitude about life and God.
Open the gates of victory;
I will enter and thank the Lord.
This is the Lord's own gate,
Where the victors enter
I thank you for your answered me;
You have been my savior
The stone the builders rejected
Has become the cornerstone.
By the Lord has this been done;
It is wonderful in our eyes.
This is the day the Lord has made;
Let us rejoice in it and be glad.
Lord, grant salvation!
Lord, grant good fortune.
*a very long psalm for which I'm not quite clear about the division
Psalm (Psalm 118: 19-25*)-This is the choice we've given the least thought; for a descendant from the Martin family (my paternal grandmother's family), the choice seemed obvious. Psalm 118:24 is a really important verse of scripture for my family. My great-grandmother, Mamacora, used to ask her family daily, "Do you know what day it is?" "It's Saturday, Mama." "No! This is a day that the Lord has made. You shall rejoice and be glad in it." When she died at ninety-nine, hers was the only happy funeral I've ever attended. "Ms. Cora's finally gotten that promotion she's been waiting for," the preacher said. And he meant it. Adam and I hoped that, by choosing this reading, we'd be aligning ourselves with her holy and truly grateful attitude about life and God.
Open the gates of victory;
I will enter and thank the Lord.
This is the Lord's own gate,
Where the victors enter
I thank you for your answered me;
You have been my savior
The stone the builders rejected
Has become the cornerstone.
By the Lord has this been done;
It is wonderful in our eyes.
This is the day the Lord has made;
Let us rejoice in it and be glad.
Lord, grant salvation!
Lord, grant good fortune.
*a very long psalm for which I'm not quite clear about the division
Our Readings: The Old Testament, Tobit 8: 4b-8
Adam and I picked our readings Thursday night! I thought it might be a good idea to record for posterity, and for myself, why we made the decisions we did. I'm thrilled by the image of married life on which Adam and I both agree, and by the way in which our readings reflect that.
I had originally planned to post all the readings at once, but they've proved too long. I'll try to do one a day for the next four days. I'd welcome any feedback or comments.
Old Testament Reading (Tobit 8: 4b-8)-It was difficult to settle on a reading from Tobit. Most of my family is Southern Baptist, which means they don't accept the book of Tobit as Biblical. (It's a part of the deuterocanonical--'second canon'--tradition because, until 1955, the book was only known in Greek.) The story is a beautiful one about devotion to God and to family.
Tobit grew up in Israel before he and his family were deported to Nineveh. His lifetime is a chronicle of risking his life and well-being to do good, but only reeping sorrow. He risked his own life to bury the dead, despite the decrees of the emperor--he was deported. He lay out in the sun after a ceremonial washing from touching a dead body--birds defecated in his eyes and he became blind. Years later, he had a heated argument with his wife. "Where are your charitable deeds now?" she asked him. "Where are your virtuous acts? See! Your true character is finally showing itself." Grief-stricken, he prayed for death.
Meanwhile, his close relative's daughter, Sarah, was also suffering. She had been married seven times, but before any man could consummate their marriage, he was killed by the demon Asmodeus. Her maid even accussed her of strangling her husbands herself. Sarah resolved to hang herself, but chose not to inflict pain and embarrassment on her father. Instead, she too prayed for death.
What happened next is best told in the words of the Biblical narrative: "At that very time, the prayer of these two suppliants was heard in the glorious presence of Almighty God. So [the angel] Raphael was sent to heal them both." God chose to answer both their prayers, but in a much more glorious way than either expected.
The angel Raphael disguised himself as a human being, Azariah ("God helps"), and escorted Tobit's son, Tobiah, to Raguel's home in Media. Tobit simply wanted to reclaim some deposited money to provide for his family when God answered his prayer for death--he didn't expect God's miraculous answer to prayer would so far surpass his expectations. On the way, Raphael encouraged Tobiah to catch a fish--the smoke from burning the fish's heart and liver could drive away demons and a paste made from its gall could cure blindness. Obviously, the paste restored Tobit's sight and he and his family lived happily for many years. But my favorite part of the story is Tobiah's marriage to Sarah.
Tobiah had the right to marry Sarah as her closest relative. Raphael encouraged him to claim his right so he could obey his father's order to marry a kinswoman and so he could save her from her fate. Sarah herself was terrified to marry Tobiah because of what might happen to him, but her parents reminded her to trust in God's mercy. After the wedding, before they went to bed together, he burnt the fish's heart and liver on the fire: "the demon, repelled by the odor of the fish, fled into Upper Egypt; Raphael persued him there and bound him hand and foot." But, even after the demon had been driven out, Tobiah told his wife to get out of bed and pray. This is the reading Adam and I have chosen:
Adam and I were both enchanted by this beautiful prayer. Tobiah focuses first on gratitude for God's creation and his promises before asking to claim those promises for himself and his wife. But most of all, we love the idea that Tobiah takes his wife "for a noble purpose." If we truly believe marriage is a vocation, a calling, we must trust that God has brought Adam and I together for a noble purpose. We chose this reading to remind ourselves to always seek that purpose for our married lives.
I had originally planned to post all the readings at once, but they've proved too long. I'll try to do one a day for the next four days. I'd welcome any feedback or comments.
Old Testament Reading (Tobit 8: 4b-8)-It was difficult to settle on a reading from Tobit. Most of my family is Southern Baptist, which means they don't accept the book of Tobit as Biblical. (It's a part of the deuterocanonical--'second canon'--tradition because, until 1955, the book was only known in Greek.) The story is a beautiful one about devotion to God and to family.
Tobit grew up in Israel before he and his family were deported to Nineveh. His lifetime is a chronicle of risking his life and well-being to do good, but only reeping sorrow. He risked his own life to bury the dead, despite the decrees of the emperor--he was deported. He lay out in the sun after a ceremonial washing from touching a dead body--birds defecated in his eyes and he became blind. Years later, he had a heated argument with his wife. "Where are your charitable deeds now?" she asked him. "Where are your virtuous acts? See! Your true character is finally showing itself." Grief-stricken, he prayed for death.
Meanwhile, his close relative's daughter, Sarah, was also suffering. She had been married seven times, but before any man could consummate their marriage, he was killed by the demon Asmodeus. Her maid even accussed her of strangling her husbands herself. Sarah resolved to hang herself, but chose not to inflict pain and embarrassment on her father. Instead, she too prayed for death.
What happened next is best told in the words of the Biblical narrative: "At that very time, the prayer of these two suppliants was heard in the glorious presence of Almighty God. So [the angel] Raphael was sent to heal them both." God chose to answer both their prayers, but in a much more glorious way than either expected.
The angel Raphael disguised himself as a human being, Azariah ("God helps"), and escorted Tobit's son, Tobiah, to Raguel's home in Media. Tobit simply wanted to reclaim some deposited money to provide for his family when God answered his prayer for death--he didn't expect God's miraculous answer to prayer would so far surpass his expectations. On the way, Raphael encouraged Tobiah to catch a fish--the smoke from burning the fish's heart and liver could drive away demons and a paste made from its gall could cure blindness. Obviously, the paste restored Tobit's sight and he and his family lived happily for many years. But my favorite part of the story is Tobiah's marriage to Sarah.
Tobiah had the right to marry Sarah as her closest relative. Raphael encouraged him to claim his right so he could obey his father's order to marry a kinswoman and so he could save her from her fate. Sarah herself was terrified to marry Tobiah because of what might happen to him, but her parents reminded her to trust in God's mercy. After the wedding, before they went to bed together, he burnt the fish's heart and liver on the fire: "the demon, repelled by the odor of the fish, fled into Upper Egypt; Raphael persued him there and bound him hand and foot." But, even after the demon had been driven out, Tobiah told his wife to get out of bed and pray. This is the reading Adam and I have chosen:
Tobiah arose from bed and said to his wife, "My love, get up. Let us pray and beg our Lord to have mercy on us and grant us deliverance." She got up, and they started to pray and beg that deliverance might be theirs. He began with these words:
"Blessed ard you, O God of our fathers; praised be your name forever and ever.
Let the heavens and all your creation praise you forever.
You made Adam and you give him his wife Eve to be his help and suppoer; and from these two the human race descended.
You said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; let us make him a partner like himself.'
Now, Lord, you know that I take this wife of mine not because of lust, but for a noble purpose.
Call down your mercy on me and on her, and allow us to live together to a happy old age."
They said together, "Amen, amen."
Adam and I were both enchanted by this beautiful prayer. Tobiah focuses first on gratitude for God's creation and his promises before asking to claim those promises for himself and his wife. But most of all, we love the idea that Tobiah takes his wife "for a noble purpose." If we truly believe marriage is a vocation, a calling, we must trust that God has brought Adam and I together for a noble purpose. We chose this reading to remind ourselves to always seek that purpose for our married lives.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Choosing the Readings
Because Adam and I live half a world away from each other, wedding planning turned into something a bit rushed. We crammed picking a menu, a cake, the flowers, the bridesmaids dresses, the church, and even my dress into the span of a week. The photographer and the band followed within a few days. Most of the time, I'm happy to have the whole thing finished. But occasionally, when Adam's in class and I'm playing the part of expectant bride-to-be, waiting be the phone (well, computer) for my fiance's call, I regret not spending months planning the wedding down to the last corsage.
The real treat has been spreading out the planning of the liturgy. Catholic services typically have four readings: one from the Old Testament, a Psalm, one from the New Testament, and one from the Gospel. The readings are supposed to work together as a whole; the priest usually focuses on them to focus his homily.
We've used the The Catholic Wedding Book, which I cannot recommend highly enough and will praise at greater length later, to help us choose the readings. The book suggests that the process of choosing readings can itself be an important part of marriage preparation:
There have been a few readings which we eliminated almost right away:
With that in mind, it's been lovely practicing discernment together about which readings would best demonstrate the values we hold most important for our married lives. Besides, all of them have given us a wonderful chance to study scripture together. We'll be looking at our "short list" of readings in a day or two and I am very excited about it. I will keep you posted.
The real treat has been spreading out the planning of the liturgy. Catholic services typically have four readings: one from the Old Testament, a Psalm, one from the New Testament, and one from the Gospel. The readings are supposed to work together as a whole; the priest usually focuses on them to focus his homily.
We've used the The Catholic Wedding Book, which I cannot recommend highly enough and will praise at greater length later, to help us choose the readings. The book suggests that the process of choosing readings can itself be an important part of marriage preparation:
...Discuss your favorites and give your reasons to one another. Also point out to one another those ideas you consider alien or difficult, remembering that Jesus often speaks to his church about things we choose not to hear in ways we consider hard to follow...Adam has kindly agreed with me to go through a possible reading a day to narrow them down. The process has taken us more than a month, but it's been a month we've been able to spend together in prayer and contemplation, for at least a short while, almost every day.
There have been a few readings which we eliminated almost right away:
- The story of Issac and Rebekkah required too much back-story for a shorter wedding (Genesis 24:48-51, 58-67).
- Readings from Song of Songs seemed a bit abstract for our wedding (Song of Songs: 2: 8-10, 14, 16a).
- 1 Corinthians 13 is tried and true, but perhaps too cliched to retain its original effectiveness (1 Corinthians 12: 31-13: 8a)
- Particularly in the New Testament, most of the readings focused on the love of God only, rather than the way in which we enter into God's love (Romans 8: 31b-39; Romans 12: 1-2, 9-18; Romans 15: 1b-3a, 5-7, 13; 1 Corinthians 6: 13c-15a, 17-20; Ephesians 5: 2a, 21-33)
- A few just didn't seem "right" for a wedding (Genesis 1:26-28, 31a; Jeremiah 31: 31-34a).
- Many, out of context at least, seemed to downplay the beautiful statement of equality built into the Catholic wedding liturgy by focusing on the man's possession of or domination over the woman (Tobit 7: 6-14; 1 Peter 3: 1-9) or by leaving him out of the equation (Proverbs 31: 10-13, 19-20, 30-31; Sirach 26: 1-4, 13-16).
With that in mind, it's been lovely practicing discernment together about which readings would best demonstrate the values we hold most important for our married lives. Besides, all of them have given us a wonderful chance to study scripture together. We'll be looking at our "short list" of readings in a day or two and I am very excited about it. I will keep you posted.
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