Marriage in Song: "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da"

During my daily workout routine this morning (yes... I know), my iTunes decided to give me a real treat: it randomly shuffled to "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" from the perennially-fantastic "White Album" by the Beatles. It must have been years since I heard the song and, like most things that have been in my life that long, suddenly took on new meaning in the light of my upcoming marriage. I'd never realized that, in its way, the song captures a very nice image of married life.

In the song,

Desmond has his barrow in the market place.
Molly is the singer in a band.
Desmond says to Molly "Girl, I like your face."
And Molly says this as she takes him by the hand,
"Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on, brah!
Lala how the life goes on."

The verse tune and chorus repeat. Desmond decides to buy Molly a ring. She accepts and sings the chorus again in her joy.

As a child, it was really the bridge and final verses of the song that always enchanted me the most:

In a couple of years they have built a home sweet home,
With a couple of kids running in the yard,
Of Desmond and Molly Jones... (Ha ha ha ha ha)

And then the song goes back to the verse structure. That's it. A blip and their lives are back to normal--same chorus, but with a modified verse:

Happy ever after in the market place.
Desmond lets the children lend a hand.
Molly stays at home and does her pretty face
And in the evening she still sings it with the band.
Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on, brah!
Lala how the life goes on.
Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on, brah!
Lala how the life goes on.

That's the image of marriage I found (find) wonderful. Desmond and Molly don't give up their lives or their dreams for their children. Neither do they neglect their children and pursue their own selfish ends. Their lives go on--they just bring their children into their lives. They introduce their children into the world, interacting together in it as a family.

Of course, this kind of balance must be much harder than I think it is. My parents managed amazingly well, but I think it takes a community of other families who want the same things you do. You must need people nearby who will come over to dinner and not mind crying babies, whose driveways need shoveling by your teenage son, and whose hand-me-down dresses your youngest daughter craves. A community of people who help and need each other really seems vital for human happiness. As you may already know, the search for this kind of community is a part of the reason Adam and I are moving to DC. We want to be a part of a community now that will grow together as our families grow, to start lives we can bring our children into. Desmond and Molly had lives they loved--that's why the children could lend a hand and their lives w

As an adult, I am more struck by the song's chorus. "Ob-la-di, ob-la-da" apparently means "life goes on"--or at least Paul McCartney claimed. It's an interesting sentiment for a young woman in love, excitedly accepting an engagement ring. Surprisingly stoic, perhaps--but also surpringly realistic. As best I can tell, life just does go on, even after marriage. Work won't stop. Laundry will still pile up. You and your fiance/spouse will never stop having occassional problems. But good things go on, too: blooming flowers will still be beautiful, Adam and I will still love each other, and God will still be good. As Molly wisely points out, "life goes on" in many ways.

For someone like me, always waiting for the next big stage of my life to begin, the "Ob-la-di" attitude is really a powerful reminder. Life isn't about the next big thing: it's about right now. I've had some amazing experiences in life, but it's sometimes a struggle to enjoy them more than the expectation of what comes next... writing 14,000 words in the next four weeks with the promise of marriage on the horizon, for example...

So, more and more, I'm trying to teach myself to expect my life to go on once I get married and once (God-willing) we start a family. I will never have a healty attitude towards marriage and children if I don't learn to take life the way it is, right now. Or, as Sir Paul so elegantly worded it...

"And if you want some fun...take Ob-la-di-bla-da!"

My childhood visions of marriage aren't limited to close-reading the Beatles. I hope to post more of the same on other songs during the next few months.