Prewedding Goals

If you know me at all, you probably know that I am a goal-oriented "to-do-lister." (It all goes back to middle school leadership development classes... don't ask.) So, last fall, when Adam and I started talking about getting married, I sat down and made a list of "pre-wedding goals." Most of them are fairly reasonable. Get in better shape. Learn to make a loaf of homemade bread. Adam is in favor of these. But he gave me no end of flack for one of my biggest and most difficult self-set tasks: make a another female friend who likes me well enough she would come to my wedding if she could.

So what if it sounds like a silly or self-depricating goal? It doesn't make it any less of a challenge for me.

I can't remember a time in my early life when I haven't had more guy friends than girl friends. Men have always just seemed easier to understand, to get along with. Girls are tough. I'm dreadfully insensitive. And at my worst, my overpowering personality tends to make other women tense, antagonistic, or withdrawn. To make matters worse, it took me years to learn to respect myself as a woman, and therefore other women for what they shared in common with me. It's my fault, not the fault of the entire sex--but it's still a terrible and lamentable weakness.

My time at Brookewood was (and hopefully will be again) an amazing step forward. There, I was in an all-girl environment where feminine virtue was encouraged and praised. And the months I spent in Seattle with the Matilda girls showed me a picture of truly holy living in a uniquely feminine vein. So, hopefully I've come along way.

The real blessing, though, has been here in Oxford. There are many amazing women in my course, in the Chaplaincy, and in my college. Most of them seem really comfortable with who they are in exciting ways. I'm honored to consider them my colleagues... and my friends.

But the biggest surprise has been two friendships I've developed with an sweet English lawyer and a Californian medievalist. I really wasn't sure I was capable of meaningful, feminine relationships with other women. It has been an amazing gift to get to know them. They've both been extremely generous with their time and forgiving of my faults.

Best of all? I've got one earnestly-desired visit and one new wedding guest.