Loved

I submitted my dissertation on Friday. I'm finished. I have to say the whole thing felt like a bit of an anti-climax. The project that just started a series of goodbyes.

I've always felt uncomfortable trying to make friends. It's something Adam has continually chided me about. My "not-me" comes out when I don't want her, too and I just can't stand the thought of showing her to anyone.

It's taken me a long time to learn to feel loved. But I have been loved. By my family first. Then by Adam, who convinced me that unconditional love is possible. And I have been loved in Oxford. These past few days full of good-byes have really shown me how loved and appreciated I am.

I guess that sounds a little self-centered. But, when it comes down to it, learning how to be loved is, for some of us, a lot harder than learning to love. Learning to trust that Adam loves me has been one of the very hardest lessons I've had to learn as we've prepared for marriage. If I can't learn it, I know our marriage will be cursed by mistrust and self-doubt.

That's part of the reason I'm so very grateful for my friends in Oxford. I hope they all know what a life-changing experience friendship with them has been.


These are photos from two wonderful evenings with friends from the chaplaincy over the past two days. I'll try to post pictures with other friends soon. You're all loved, too!